Among the ongoing online nerd battles, none is more popular and controversial as browser choice (except Mac vs. PC). Do you use Firefox or IE or Safari or Camino or Opera or what?

I'm here to tell you today what I use, so that you may benefit from my superior computer knowledge.

My browser of choice: Lynx.

Lynx gets rid off all the crap - the images, the flash, the javascript, pretty much everything except the text. Run in full screen mode with a classic terminal emulator like GLTerminal (complete with 2400bps modem emulation and screen flicker), Lynx is about the fastest no frills browser around. I've been using it since 1992.

Here are some shots of my Macbook Pro running Lynx.

gthing.net

google.com

Digg.com

A lot of chatter is going around the intrawebs about how the iPhone is going to be Apple's next Newton. In fact, independent research even confirms that almost nobody is willing to pay the high price attached to the iPhone.

The research claims that only 1% of people would actually be willing to switch carriers, and pay for an iPhone. That's right, only one percent. The article suggests that if the price was closer to $200-$299 it would be a sure win, with 42% of people saying they would buy it.

What a miserable failure. They'll be off the market and populating Wal*Mart discount bins before the end of the year.

Wait a minute ... what exactly was Apple's target market share for the iPhone? Let's see, Steve Jobs said in his keynote that they are aiming for ... yup, one percent of the market.

It's interesting that leading research aimed at making the iPhone look like a failure and Apple look bad in actuality just confirms exactly what Apple was going for. It took them six weeks to say what Steve Jobs already said in his keynote. If anything, the "research" just confirms that iPhone is going to be a great win for Apple.

One percent of the cell phone market is huge.

In other news, leading research suggests that 42% of potential Ferrari owners would buy one for $20,000, but only 1% would pay $400,000 for it. The Ferrari has been declared a miserable failure.

Disclaimer: I am not buying an iPhone, at least not a 1st generation one.

People say the iPhone is nothing spectacular, because LG and others are coming out with similar looking phones. What people don't realize is that the hardware is nothing special, it's the interface that will make the iPhone revolutionary. I'm looking forward to more competition in this space. As long as phone makers keep missing the mark, every phone will be a PITA to use.

You may recall my recent article about the Cingular stores owned by Spring Communications in Orem and Provo. I wanted to update you all as to the status of my complaint because some very interesting things happened with Cingular themselves as well as with Spring.

As I noted in my article, Cingular went into damage control mode and gave me a great deal on the phone I wanted to convince me to stay on their network. This was pretty amazing in and of itself, but the most impressive response came from Spring, the main reseller for Cingular in Utah and Colorado.

If you look at the comments on my article, you will see a comment from Jason Ellis who, as it turns out, is the president and CEO of Spring. In his comment he apologized on behalf of Spring and asked to get in touch with me. I emailed him my phone number, wondering if he would ever actually call - I mean Spring is a fairly sized corporation and Jason probably keeps himself busy enough without having to contact pissed off customers.

To my surprise, Jason did call after all. After a little phone tag Jason got ahold of me on Monday. Apparently my article had gotten some exposure, and even though I never directly reported a complaint to Spring, it came to Jason's attention and he wanted to take care of it personally.

Jason apologized again for the poor service I received in the Orem Spring store, and asked for another chance at having me as a customer. He admitted that they had had some other complaints from that particular area, and that the problem was most likely not employee level but with management and that he would have to look into better training or whatever needs to be done to fix the problem

And you know what? I believe him. I didn't sound like corporate-speak to me. Jason sounded genuinely sorry and like he was really going to take action to fix the problem. I was very impressed with the conversation I had with him, and even that he would contact me directly - I mean what's one customer after all? How much can I and my website really effect their bottom line? But it didn't seem like the bottom line was what Jason was worried about - he was worried about fixing the situation first, and I'm sure as a result his bottom line will be improved.

Jason explained that he felt like saying sorry wasn't enough, and wanted to offer me something for all the trouble I had been through. He insisted that I take something. He offered any wireless device I wanted or any accessory - basically anything I wanted for free.

Now, my first instinct here was to turn down his offer, let bygones be bygones. But he was insistent, so my second instinct was to go for gold and ask for another 8525. I could sell it on eBay or something and make a quick buck. But after considering that for a minute I decided it wouldn't be right to do so - I mean, after all, I never did actually end up buying anything from Spring - I'm not really their customer because they drove me to working with Cingular directly.

So I told him a bluetooth headset would be pretty cool. Not to pricey, but it would be cool to have and Jason could still send me something. He promised to send "two of the latest and greatest" headsets out overnight the next morning.

As promised, I received the two headsets wednesday morning. He didn't lie either, he sent me the latest and greatest headset available. I actually ended up trading one back in at one of the stores for a pair of bluetooth headphones (nice Jabra ones).

Jason also promised to give me a good experience in the future. He gave me the contact information for the Utah South regional manager, Lance Paulson, who is familiar with the situation. He told me to contact Lance next time I was ready to upgrade my device or for anything that I needed. I was promised that Lance would meet me in the store, if necessary, and make sure I had a good experience the next time around.

Let me just say that Spring's response, in particular that of Jason Ellis, was outstanding and exemplary. To be contacted by the president of a large company because you had a bad experience in their store is simply amazing. I'm sure Jason doesn't spend a lot of time on the phone with customers, so it made me feel like Spring really cared about what I thought of their store and the crappy experience that I had.

So Cingular and Spring brought me back - a pissed off customer who was ready to leave both companies behind for something else. Like I said before, I have been reasonably happy with Cingular and would have been sad to leave. I'm glad it didn't come to that.

I will continue to recommend Cingular as a service provider, and specifically Spring as a place to get a phone, because I know they will back up their commitment to excellent customer service. There are two Spring stores located in East Bay, one in the mall, and two in Orem - on University Pkwy and 800N and State.

Thanks to Jason Ellis for contacting me and rectifying the situation - and thanks for the goodies!

Thepiratebay, a popular bit torrent tracker (read, a place to download movies and music), has long stood up to the constant pressure from the RIAA, MPAA, and even their own government in Sweden.

Last month, the guys who run the pirate bay announced they were going to buy their own country,
(read: an off-shore platform or an island), declare independence, and be done with international copyright law forever. They solicited donations to help them buy such an island, which fizzled somewhere around $20,000 according to them.

In an interview with one of the founders, he basically said the whole thing was just a way to get more press, and that the only reason they wanted to buy an island is so that they could "see their name on google earth."

Now all their users are up in arms. People who donated were promised citizenship in the new quasi-country. Their users are now talking about suing the pirate bay for soliciting money under false pretenses.

Now, just so we're clear: These people gave MONEY to PIRATES. PIRATES.

I really hope the irony isn't lost on everyone.

I arrived at work today to a package sitting on my desk from my brother Daniel. I assumed it was just a package from one of our suppliers that he slapped a label on, but upon opening it I found a note from him:
(Outside) Congratulations, you're old and fat!

(Inside)
Happy Birthday
Dear Fatty McFat Fat,

(Then there is a picture of balloons with the caption "birthday ballons"

You're so fat that it make me nauseous. Which is a problem because even when not looking at you, your fat creeps into my peripheral vision.
Please, please, please try to look less like a beached whale.

Love, Dan

P.S. I'm surprised you can even read this with all that fat drippin' over your eyes - You'll never be a model lookin' like that. It's disgusting - Happy Birthday

Then there were two cases of SlimFast below the note.

Preston's sister in-law is visiting work today and working on her awesome website. Go check it out for all your bunny base needs.

I recently got a new Cingular 8525. Unsatisfied with any themes I could find, I made my own. Here it is for anyone out there using a Windows Mobile device.

Behold it here:

Get it here:

GrayBot.zip

Install it in the Windows directory on your Pocket PC.

I think the file contains everything that is needed. Let me know if you have any problems. Enjoy!

Image from here via pixelgirlpresents.com.

As some of you may already know, I am a big Brian Regan fan. He manages to pull of a unique and hilarious blend of physical comedy, impressions, and interesting observations on every day life that makes him a great comic.

One of Regan's greatest points is that he is also a comic that you can watch in mixed company. His jokes are not inappropriate in any way, which is more than I can say for most comics. He really does a good job of showing that your jokes don't have to exclusively deal with sex and racism to be funny.

A friend of mine from work recently set up a Brian Regan fan site. I was actually impressed, he put some good thought into it and has a lot of great content. Don't miss out on the videos section, which is full of clips of Regan's most popular sketches - including many I had never heard before. There is also a transcripts section which is promised to be released soon - which I think shows some real dedication. Although, I'm not quite sure how funny his sketches will be when they are written down.

Here is Danny's Mac (it's actually a powerbook G4) sitting on his glass-top desk.

Danny was unaware of a battery recall, because his battery was not included in the original recall which he checked, and was added to the recall in a letter which was sent to him. Having checked the website, he didn't look at the letter to see that his battery had, in fact, been recalled.

Yesterday the battery became so hot that it cracked the glass below it. Apple agreed to replace the battery. Danny said he was sure that if he left it on it would have started a fire it was so hot.

Apple is not paying for the damage to the desk, but since they sent Danny a letter saying the battery is unsafe, I would venture to guess they are not responsible.

I came home tonight to find Skillet, my sugar glider, sprawled out on the top ledge of her cage not moving. She appeared to be dead. After watching her for a few minutes and seeing no signs of life, I reached in and pet her on the head a couple times and noticed that her tail was moving.

I removed her from her cage and brought her upstairs. For the next few hours I tried to keep her warm, offered her water and food, and kept her awake. She is really weak and appears to be very sick. After a few hours she did perk up a bit and start trying to walk around, although she was really shaky. She drank a lot of water, but hardly touched any food.

After she seemed to wake up enough and regain her strength, I left her in her cage with plenty of food and water. I also made sure the room was plenty warm.

I'm not sure if she's going to make it. She's so weak she can't even climb to the top of her cage. She keeps trying but just losses her grip and falls. I left food and water on the level, so it's not out of reach. I'm pretty sad. I don't know what's wrong with her, but I hope she makes it. I'll check on her in the morning.

EDIT: An update to this article has been posted here. Jason Ellis, CEO of Spring Communications has contacted me and resolved the issue.

The title of this article was carefully chosen to include the words "moron" and "cingular." Whether the moron is me, for picking Cingular, or the moron is whatever Cingular employee I happen to be talking to remains to be seen.

One needs only scroll down a few articles to see that I have been searching for a new phone recently. My jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none Treo 650 has run it's course from initial excitement, to toleration, to annoyance, to hatred. I can't stand using this thing much longer.

And, so I set out on my quest Saturday afternoon to buy the most expensive phone I could possibly buy (from my carrier): the Cingular 8525. You would think that when you walk into a store prepared to drop $500, they would make it a pleasant experience for you. But oh no, dear reader, venture onward to find your expectation dashed and your dreams of fine customer service crushed.

I first visited a Cingular reseller in South Provo. The store is owned by Spring, so even though everyone there is wearing Cingular shirts you're really talking to Spring employees. This is usually a dangerous bet, but I had had good luck at this store before. These people work on commission, and so they tend to be a little nicer than the uncaring corporate store employees, even if it isn't genuine. You can work out their kindness to your own favor.

When I walked in, I was greeted as usual, by the store manager. A month earlier I had dealt with a different store manager - so either he had been fired, they had two store managers, or they just give everyone the title "store manager" so you can't ask to speak to anyone higher when you're pissed off (which happens a lot around cell phone company employees for some reason).

Within 30 seconds it was clear I would not buy a phone from this guy. I told him what I was looking for, what I had tried, and what I intended to buy. He went into a lengthy explanation about why I was wrong, why I should have liked the phones that I didn't like, how I was wrong about what had happened when I used various models, and on and on. I was a little surprised - I already told the guy I was going to buy the 8525, why did he need to attack me? It was the best possible phone I could buy from him.

Well, if there's one thing I won't do, it's buy something from a rude employee. I thanked him for his time and left. Jake was with me (and was driving) and agreed to stop by the corporate store up in Orem. I didn't know what to expect, as it seems employees are hit and miss wherever you go. Fortunately the guy I talked to at the corporate store was nice enough, but they were out of stock on the phone.

There was another reseller nearby, so we stopped by to see if they had any in stock. Again, the guy was nice enough, but they were out. He checked his computer and told me of a store a few miles away that had one in stock. So we headed over to the fourth and last store of the day.

Sure enough, the girl at the store (another one owned by Spring) confirmed they had one in stock. I told her I would like to buy it. As I was talking with her, her boyfriend (or someone) walked in. She completely left what she was doing and her conversation with me to greet, hug, and kiss her boyfriend. They had a nice long conversation about some band, and he gave her a CD (god and the devil are raging inside me or something like that). It was all very lovely and I'm glad that I could witness such a joyous reunion.

Finally the girl came back to me, but only long enough to tell me she would need to go in back to get the phone. She disappeared in back, but not after motioning to her boyfriend to follow.

She was gone for some minutes. Apparently it's hard to locate a phone in the stock room. Or maybe it's just hard when you're getting felt up by your skeezy boyfriend whose shoving his tounge down your throat. Whatever the reason, she finally returned with the phone, and her boyfriend left.

I was annoyed, but still friendly. I joked with her a little bit as she updated my account information and renewed my contract. Finally she rung me up. The total came to something well over $500. My initial reaction was that this was a mistake, and I asked her what the price of the phone was. She told me it was $30 more than what any of the other stores were charging.

I told her of the discrepancy in price and she said "I don't care. I'm not going to give you that price. I would have to pay that $30 out of my own pocket." What she meant was that she would miss out on $30 of her commission. Not wanting to work on her definition of opportunity cost, I asked if anyone else in the store could sell it to me. She said no and became very rude. She had an attitude like she didn't care and was annoyed that I was even talking to her in the first place - interrupting precious make out time with her boyfriend.

You would think given the choice of selling a phone and making profit for your company, and not seling a phone and pissing off a customer - you would just sell the phone, even if you had to discount it a little bit. Every other employee at every other store was willing to do it, even the first rude guy. But no, this girl told me she didn't care, and wouldn't do it. She seemed offended that I would even want the same price that the other stores said they would give me.

She told me if I wanted that price, I would have to go to another store and buy it from them and she would have to mail them the phone and then I could pick it up.

I was annoyed enough at this point, and just told her to forget about it. I'll wait until one of the other stores is in stock.

Now this is where it gets really good.

I asked her to reverse the changes she had just made to my account. After all, she had updated my contract for another 2 years, and changed the device that my account was associated with. She FLAT OUT REFUSED to change my account back, even though I told her I was no longer going to buy the phone. She said I could change it back myself if I wanted.

It was clear I was getting nowhere with this girl, and the more frustrated I became, the more satisfied she seemed. Finally I just said "fine, I'll take care of it, but can I take a card so they will know who to call and verify this with?"

She said "No, we don't have cards - they don't need to talk to me anyway."

I asked how they would verify I was telling them the truth about not actually signing up for a new plan and she just shrugged her shoulders. I couldn't believe it. I turned around to walk out and noticed a little tray of business cards sitting on the table. I took one and held it up as I walked out the door.

So I decided to cancel my account. Cingular is smug and the employees could care less about anything you say to them, and even seem to get pleasure from aggravating you. There's not a whole lot you can do besides watch them sit back and laugh, and try to warn your friend to stay away.

The only thing you can do is give them the $175 early termination middle finger. And at this point, I would have literally paid $175 to simultaneously flip off everyone in the company. Screw them, this is the last money you're getting from me. Ever. Suckers.

As I called to cancel my account I found out something interesting. Cingular suddenly starts being really nice and responsive when you're about to give them your credit card number for your final payment. The people on the cancelations line know it's not a good idea to piss off customers - if only they could send out a memo to everyone else.

The lady I talked to asked what they had quoted me for the phone I wanted. I told her $450 and she said "oh, pssshh.. I can do better than that! How about $409!" I told her that didn't really impress me and I would rather cancel my account. Then she said "Let's see... how about $250?"

I asked her to repeat herself because I couldn't believe my ears. I was on a Sprint phone at the time, and the call was much clearer than anything I've heard on Cingular (wait a sec...) so it was true - she was going to sell me the phone for $250. I told her that would make me happy and I would stay with Cingular.

I never really wanted to leave in the first place. I've mostly liked Cingular, except for my crappy Treo. But at the time, the $175 middle finger was worth it.

She put a note on my account with the quote for the phone and told me to call in Monday to place the order (they were out of stock at the time). I called in and placed the order with no problem and should be getting my new phone tomorrow. No mention of renewing my contract either, which I'm pretty sure they have to get you to verbally agree to. So I'd say there's a good chance they sold me the phone for a great price and didn't even make me renew my contract!

What, are you serious?

My dear readers. Today I am going to make you rich. I am going to tell you how to start your very own multi level marketing company. Multi-Level Marketing is a fancy way of saying "pyramid scheme." But don't worry, your company won't be a pyramid scheme, it will be a pyramid money making system on a rocket ship to planet cha-ching!

The first thing you have to do is travel to some island in the middle of an ocean somewhere. If you are not cannibalized by the local tribe, then you have to purchase (possibly with gold or shrunken heads) their entire supply of whatever fruit grows on the island. Name the fruit something like "Nagoya Love Fruit" or "Fresklish wonder fruit." Now in your marketing campaign you can claim to have the entire world supply of this fruit, thus eliminating any possibility that people can compete with you.

Jubalaya X-treme awesome fruit!

While you're on the island, take some picture of the locals. This will help in your marketing materials when you start claiming that when you drink juice made from your wonder-fruit you will live a happier, healthier, and/or fuller life. Also be sure to include pictures of old white people walking horses on the beach - that works every time. Have a meeting where you make up benefits for your new juice. Here's some ideas to get you started:

• Encourages fingernail growth
• Counteracts cellphone radiation
• Eliminates foot hair

Just make sure all your claims sound good and that none of them could possibly be disproved without several millions of dollars in research.

Now that you have your product and marketing materials, you need to find 50 friends to take part in this scam opportunity. When people object and say that they've already heard of some other brand of magic juice, just roll your eyes and say something like "yea, those are good I guess, it's just crazy because ours actually works." Hell, claim that you came up with the idea and all those other companies copied you. Tell people that you started all those companies in a quest to find the perfect formula and once you found it your started this company. People who are dumb enough to buy into your system won't do background checks.

The next step is optional: Live in Utah. People haven't even read about the greed and sloth commandments out here (numbers 3 and 4 on the big 10). They're ready for any get rich quick scheme you throw at them.

After that you can pretty much sit back and watch the dough roll in. As all your dumb friends set up their very own businesses, you will be raking in millions within a few weeks: all from home without even leaving the couch. And also, somehow someone gets a Ferrari.

Thanks to Steve, who pointed me to this article detailing how to build your own version of KisMAC that will work with your airport extreme card.

I have built a version of KisMAC that should work great (yes, in passive mode) on all Macbook Pros with a core duo processor. This probably won't work as well with a core 2 duo, but you're welcome to try.

KisMAC is a wireless networking security tool for Mac OS X. It is a port of the popular Linux software Kismet.

Kismac.dmg

Maker Faire -

As you may or may not recall, Jake and I went to the maker faire in San Francisco last year. It was a weak of DIY goodness, sleeping in Wal*Mart parking lots, no showering, and ultimately made me sicker than I think I have ever been.

We're going to go again this year. If our project gets approved, that is. I have submitted my car computer as a project to show. If it is approved, it will mean road trip time. This happens sometime in May.

Cingular-

I have been negotiating with Cingular to try to get out of my contract. They changed the terms of my contract without giving my an opportunity to accept the new terms, they just forced them on everyone one day. This is against their own policies and general rules of uprightness. They don't care. They'll say whatever they think sounds good at the time, regardless of company policy, logic, or previous statements.

Currently I have a complaint with the better business bureau, and people from Cingular keep calling me and giving me different reasons why I am wrong. It's all very simple, really - I cited all their documents, precedents set in a federal appeals court - the works. They don't care. They start with the result, which is saying "no," and work backwards from there to support it. They're really amazing. I'll post the complaint here once it is closed.

Doctor-

I tried to make an appointment with a doctor today. March 29th was the earliest available date. Don't people generally see doctors if they have some ailment that needs to be remedied? I wonder how many people die each year while waiting to be seen by a doctor? Okay, that's a bit dramatic, but seriously.

Our health care system sucks. I thought now that I had insurance it would be all great, and it IS better with insurance, but it's not great. This should be a priority in our country. Poor people get poor healthcare provided by the government, rich people get decent health care from their wealth, and the rest of us, well ... we get the scraps I guess.

The poor people in the United States live under a socialist government.