My friend Jess is an artist - so she had me paint something while we were in her kitchen studio the other day.

Here it is.

Yes, that is her catwoman comic book underneath. Don't ask.

Last week we had our first movie night at Velour. Due to popular demand - we're doing it again! That's right - come to Velour this next Monday for a life-altering bad Japanese movie. The details are on the poster.

We are going to be watching this movie on Monday at Velour. I'd love it if you came.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
135 North University Ave. Provo
Monday, April 21st @ 8pm- $2

When people call Apple users elitist snobs, one only needs to look at Microsoft's attempts at being "cool." For example, here is a video promoting one of their early versions of Windows. Skip to about halfway through to get straight to the good stuff.

You soon realize that a Windows user calling a Mac user an elitist is just like a retarded person calling a super-genius elitist. It's cute. No, really. If this was an episode of Full House and Michelle just told Uncle Jesse his music was immature, the audience would produce the very same "awwwwww...."

Okay, to be fair - that video was really old. It's not like Microsoft is still so out of touch. Surely now they can afford to hire competent advertising agencies.

Ehh.. Nevermind.

Maybe for Apple's next ad campaign they can just run Microsoft's own advertisements.

Warning: the above videos are not suitable for people suffering from a heart condition, likelihood of aneurism, or anyone who is conscious. They should not have been watched.

There are 6.6 billion people in the world. Given that fact that 90% of the people are stupid, my calculations indicate there are roughly 5.9 billion people that would be doing planet earth a favor by not passing on their genes to any offspring.

Therefore, I give you part 1 in my 5.9 billion part series: People Who Shouldn't Reproduce

Today's person: Microsoft Zune.

"But wait!" you protest, "Microsoft Zune isn't a person, it's a portable media player!"

Oh, silly you. No, I'm not talking about the product from Microsoft, I'm talking about the dude whose name is legally "Microsoft Zune." At least, it will be once the the judge approves it.

That's right. There is a person on planet earth who is having his name changed to that of a unpopular product from an unpopular company.

The Internet has blessed us with a picture of Microsoft Zune, but I warn you - please sit down before viewing it and strap down all lose objects that might be used for bludgeoning yourself to death.

For those of you who are counting - yes, that's two Zune-related tattoos. Apparently there is a third, but I really don't want to know where that one is.

Fortunately, I think there is actually a very good chance that this kid won't be producing any offspring. At least, not until they remove the requirement of having a consenting female partner. I don't see a whole lot of girls jumping in line for the "Zune" surname.

In the unlikely event that Microsoft Zune does have a child - what would he name it? Maybe he could start with sizes - naming his first child 64GB then 128GB and so on. Or perhaps he'll name his children after the available Zune colors: Black Zune, White Zune, Brown Zune (for the kid he knows is going to be as unpopular as he is).

If you are interested in reading the insane ramblings of Microsoft Zune and a bunch of people who seem to think he's making a smart move with the whole name thing, you can go read his post in the Zunescene forum. But I warn you - if you're allergic to retardation you should probably sit this one out.

Eat is a small application that will permanently delete files that are dragged onto it.

This is good for two reasons:

1. You are deleting a file off of a removable disk.

A really annoying problem with OS X is that files are not deleted from a removable disk until you empty the trash. So if you're trying to free up space on your 1GB thumbdrive, you'll end up needing to empty your entire trash which you just might not want to do.

This is also good for circumventing the trash for any other large file. If you're deleting files to free up space, it's best to just delete them rather then delete them then empty your trash.

2. It shreds

Eat will shred documents (delete by overwriting). You cannot restore the files once they have been eaten. This is good for any type of sensitive documents.

Usage suggestion:

I like to keep eat up in my Finder toolbar like this:

You can put it there by simply dragging it up and hovering for a second or two.

Other features:

-Eat will warn you before permanently deleting files

-Clicking on eat (as opposed to dragging something onto it) will eat all the files in the trash (with warning).

This program is adapted from a script by Jayson Kempinger.

DOWNLOAD

I just noticed that Microsoft's live.com has gotten pretty smart. Go ahead, hand it an algebraic equation and watch it solve for X.

That's pretty snazzy, eh?

But wait! There's more!

"More?"

Much more!

MS has launched a SMS search service much like Google's (46645). You can now text search, queries, and yes - algebraic equations to 95483 (WLIVE) and get back the answers post haste. Follow that link to see what all 95483 can do for you (here's a few: local search queries, reverse phone number lookups (!), area codes, word definitions, math calculations, spell-check, etc.)

I imagine this will be great news for any kid with a cellphone taking an Algebra test.

I'm particularly excited to be able to do reverse phone lookups. Next time someone calls me and I don't have their number programmed in my phone, I can find out who they are by texting the number to WLIVE.

Despite the way I feel about Microsoft, their mobile guys are constantly impressing me.

If you're bored and looking for some awesome stuff to read, why not start with Brikon's picture-filled blog about life in Puerto Rico.

Michelle has a warrant out for her arrest for not answering to a fix-it ticket, let's blackmail her for free food!

Jake recently got back from driving across America. Again. For a kid who has free airline vouchers, he sure does drive across the country a lot.

Invisible shields can apparently keep 1,000 lbs. from breaking your precious phone. Thanks, Preston.

If you don't get this then apparently you're not in on the joke, but as Kris points out - Apple's latest product hurts just a little.

Dan has been leaving the extremely tactical life of a Lovesac employee. Or, at least he did ... one time ... a long time ago.

It's okay, Dave - we all make mistakes sometimes.

As Steve point out, Montel Williams is apparently super awesome.

McCall provides us with some useful blog-reading tips (and a bonus web-design tip). Read it, absorb it, love it.
You'll go check out these hot new T-Shirt designs from Mr. Sandy if you know what's good for you.

Tess reminds us that sometimes stock photos can be bad, and sometimes, they're really bad.

At my house, we're artists. That's right, Dean and I know how to trace.

Jon waxes philosophical - to refurb or not to refurb, that is the question. Dude what's with the grease stains on that pizza computer box?

Who killed the electric car, Lewis? I don't know - but Tesla is bringing it back.

There is a lot of fun stuff going on over at the Bags' blog. Especially if you like full-body mustaches.

In case you missed it, you never want to experience the wrath of Justin.

Cameron is still Goyin crazy.

That is all. If I missed you, please let me know because it might mean I don't know where your blog is.

Has anyone else noticed the stores at your local supermarket looking a little bare lately?

I've noticed it for the last couple months - the stores around here frequently have entire shelves sitting empty. There was some talk of a food shortage a few months back, but you don't hear too much about it now.

If we *were* heading for a food shortage - what would be the best way to handle it? How about a massive coverup to keep people from panicking! That's right folks, we're running low on food and the government doesn't want to cause a bigger problem by having you horde it.

So quietly proceed to your local supermarket and buy up their entire stock of Dorito's. Don't worry, you'll be snacking pretty while everyone around you starves.

Anyone else notice this?

Samulator is my very first Mac application. It sounds really cool but it's actually a really boring calculator. But for anyone who collects simple calculator programs, here is one to add to you collection.

DOWNLOAD

In follow up to yesterday's article about some designer who ripped off Justin's website (like, shamelessly ripped off), we now bring you what I like to call sweet, sweet, revenge.

Now when you visit the "designer's" site, you get a fancy little popup as seen in the picture above. The message translates: "This site was stolen from justinhileman.com. Never trust a 'designer' who can't even create his own site."

Justin was able to accomplish this with some fancy h4x that were made possible by the guy who stole his site hot-linking to some of Justin's original files.

The best part? Anyone on the offender's subnet will *not* see the message - meaning he won't even know it's there, but every one else will know how big of a douche he is.

See the "designer's" site by typing http://sastu.com.ar/ into your browser or clicking here. The link redirects to conceal the referrer.

Let this be a lesson to anyone who would steal work from another and claim it as their own.

I just stumbled across the site of Sebastian Sasturain - a really good web designer from somewhere that isn't the United States. Check out his rad site:

http://sastu.com.ar/

Wait a second, this sure does look familiar. Oh yea, that's because my friend Justin Hileman already made that site.

The "designer" didn't even bother to link the blog to something of his own and it still goes to Justin Hileman.com. He is also hotlinking one of Justin's javascript files leaving the door wide open for retaliation.