Myspace is Completely Retarded
I thought most of you would have figured it out by now - but, alas, there are still many who spend way too much time on myspace. I am writing this to try to convince you to come away from the darkness which is myspace. Do something else ... anything.
Myspace is completely retarded, and science has shown that every minute you spend on myspace is equivalent to breathing in melting plastic for several hours. Yes, in fact people who spend more than 5 minutes a day on myspace have been shown to have very little gray matter left after just a few days.
Reason Number 1: Myspace is retarded because it was coded by a down syndrome platypus.
Myspace is like the ultimate homeless/shanty town. Imagine going to school or work every day in a building that was built by teenage girls. Not only are you constantly fearing for your life and watching for collapse (how many times have you seen the oops error page?), but you are constantly being inundated with their annoying "memes" and sparkly glitter-filled pages.
In your shanty work/school experience, the building you are in has rooms with no doors in or out, rooms with 3 foot ceilings, and so many people that you can barely walk anywhere. The entire building collapses several times per day, only to be put back together with an army of 14 year old girl's chewing gum.
Reason Number 2: Myspace is like a white trash trailer park
Myspace is THE trailer park of the online world.
Have you ever walked by a house or trailer which had a front lawn full of mounds and mounds of useless crap - Hundreds of garden gnomes, pink flamingos, statues, and unidentifiable garbage? This is the real world version of myspace.
Because myspaceizens have control over what their pages look like, you end up with some real gems. White pages with white text, pages with a dizzying amount of animated GIFs, and pages that load multiple video and audio streams at the same time.
Yes, in fact loading up a myspace page is like telling your computer to calculate the trillionth decimal of PI. When you click on a link to someone's page, you better be patient because your computer ain't doing anything else for a while.
Reason Number 3: What you see sure as hell ain't what you get!
Have you ever heard of Internet disease? It's basically a condition where people (and by people I mean mostly girls) display old, faded, blurry, or otherwise odd pictures of themselves in order to hide the fact that they are indeed fat, ugly whorish creatures unidentifiable in the medium we call every day life. They thrive only in the virtual world.
Let me give you some examples of what I mean. These are actual pictures taken from myspace, with accompanying pictures taken by me when I was duped into meeting with them.
Oh my, what a nice looking girl. She wants
you to think she is artistic with the
black and white photography, odd angle,
and a little bit of skin. Yet, for some
reason it looks like she has a uni-boob.
WHAT YOU GET:
AAAAHHH!!! What the hell is that?!
FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS
HOLY PLEASE GET IT AWAY FROM
ME!
Example 2:
WHAT YOU SEE:
Okay, if it's a close-up of ANY body part,
you're in for trouble. I shouldn't have to
tell you that these lips do not belong
to anyone who has ever so much as heard
of myspace. Do a google search for lips and
you will probably find these on some
beautiful model.
WHAT YOU GET:
AHHH!!!1!!11! PLEASE, FOR THE
CHILDREN! WHAT DID YOU JUST
DO IN THERE? IT SMELLS LIKE A
ROTTING PLATYPUS FETUS!
This made my day...I am
This made my day...I am going to email your thoughts all around!
PS: My current icon is so a myspace photo!
Yea, you do have some
Yea, you do have some myspace-ish photos - but they're only really myspace-ish if you're fat and ugly in real life - which I don't think you are.
http://collect.myspace.com/in
http://collect.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=bulletin.read&messageID=...
Here is something partially funny. After i saw it it reminded me so much of your myspace rant i just had to post it.
yep... thats pretty much
yep... thats pretty much myspace for you.
see that lovely woman coming out of the bathroom?
yea... that was me last year.
Is that true? That last
Is that true? That last part?
The "I hate myspace routine"
The "I hate myspace routine" has been over done. Shut up & get on with your life already. If you do feel the need to bleat on about it then at least do it with some originality.
Hey, don't cut down the
Hey, don't cut down the retarted that way.....
what's myspace? i am old
what's myspace?
i am old and cyber-challenged - so maybe it's for that reason i agree with you - i'm so not with it that i post a picture of myself
I have seen about 2 myspace
I have seen about 2 myspace sites in my whole life, and I plan not to expand this devastating experience.
This is brilliant
This is brilliant hahaha
yeah, I own a myspace.
and in so many cases its sooo very true.
I'd like to say its not my case but -shrugs- I hope not x]
I loved it, too bad not
I loved it, too bad not everyone has come to realize these facts.
Haha, sad but true!
Haha, sad but true!
ok i see your point on what
ok i see your point on what you see is what you get and that ppl spend a great deal of time on there but you cant completely this its bad. Heres way, I`m married with a child and I am from wisconsin BUT I live in Quebec with my hubby and child I dont talk much with my friends as they all have lives and I have responcabilities to my child. Myspace is a way that I can see pics of them and send emails and find out whats goin on and in general still be part of my friends lives and NONE of the so pics of some one else and most dont show a pic of them with other ppl so that you know who your talking to. My pic is of my and my lil girl, a friend of mine is him and his gf as they both use the same one. And I dont spend all day on it as I do have a kid and dont have time. You cant up us all in the same box. Just like I`m not on there for sex but ppl think thats all the site is for. DONT JUDGE US ALL IN THE SAME WAY!!!
dude I hate myspace, thanks
dude I hate myspace, thanks for this
You had me until you started
You had me until you started dissing platypi
Being a member of a 12 step
Being a member of a 12 step program for more than 20 years, I can say that spending time on myspace is equivalent to peeking through the blinds for hours on end looking for the imaginary people that you are sure are outside just waiting to attack you and steal all of your worthless shit. Would you please call the hotline and have someone 12 step me.
this was
this was hilarious!
c'mon...I DOUBT the girl really looked like that in real life!
I'm ashamed to say- I still have an account! but it's a great way to get in touch with old friends-
and plus...I'm too lazy to get facebook-
Cool Myspace Layouts... I
Cool Myspace Layouts...
I couldn't understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting...
ok well myspace can be like
ok well myspace can be like that. but rlly it's not that bad. you can be safe on myspace by setting your profile to private, which means only friends that you've excepted can look at it. and you don't have to put where you live, age or name, put fake ones. and pics yes that is true....but seriously....how often does that happen? you can also set your pics tp private. ok myspace is not that bad!
This post is dumb. You are a
This post is dumb. You are a drama queen and your writing isn't too great. I hate myspace too, but this post is just ridiculous.
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